This is your mess

Crack open a can of soda and pour it into a glass. Watch the fizz froth up and spill out over the sides—out of control, a force of its own.

Like that, this world overflows with opinions

Good ones

Bad ones

And in-between-ones too

I find it hard to form my own perspective half the time. Every topic has dozens of different angles, points of view, and stances. It can get very noisy, and makes my thoughts feel clumsy. It affects the way I think, making every decision of mine shaded with doubt. Often, I never feel ‘a hundred percent’ with anything.

Maybe you can relate?

Do you ever get that sinking feeling in the morning when you rise before the sun? Or perhaps your stomach ties itself up in knots before breakfast, contracted and contorted, never relaxing until you finally fall asleep. Even sleeping takes its sweet time to pull you into a dream because your mind is still firing through an abundance of indecision.

Maybe there’s something to be said about it all. Perhaps those billion other opinions don’t matter.

For once, I’m pretty sure about that.

I mean, you can ignore what I’m saying too—I’m just another mind with another opinion—but here’s what I’m telling myself:

Stop asking for advice so much

Stop thinking you need to rely on the words of others to know that you’re okay being you

Turn off your phone

Switch off the laptop

Dim the lights, settle into the darkness

And be okay with it

Be okay with the abstract mess that you are, okay with jumping into your own uncertain decisions. At the end of the day there will always be a billion other souls you’ll be dying to please, but your own life is but a fleeting moment. Don’t forget that.

Doesn’t that scare you more? That they’ll read your name from a weathered gravestone and there won’t be much else to it except the moss growing over the cracks. You’ll be all alone in that dark grave, so you may as well become comfortable with who you are now. You’ve got an entire lifetime and more to spend with yourself.

So I tell myself: do the things in life that makes the knots loosen and gives you air to breathe in the morning. With the people that are just as messy and beautiful like you, all muddling along somehow, because no one really knows what they’re doing. At least we’re trying.

So here’s to the New Year

To finding the balance between being your own pillar and leaning on others too

To being okay with not being okay

To celebrating your successes, glamorous or not

Here’s to celebrating your mess

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New Year, New Goals

My 2017 goals, originally posted on my new blog, Ink Chapters. Check it out!

Ink Chapters

2017goals

Another year has come and gone and in all honesty, it feels no different. I won’t be poetic about it. I do think, however, that this can be a good time to set some goals for the year ahead. The word ‘resolutions’ has become too associated with the word ‘broken’, so I prefer ‘goals’ instead. With 2017 goals, you can put your productive hat on and try to work towards something tangible. I won’t be learning a new language or hitting the gym (although, I really need to do both), because I know for a fact that it won’t work out. So instead, I’ll focus on the things that I know I can work towards without completely freaking out:

~Reading~

1. I definitely want to read more diverse fiction. Actually, scratch that. This year I want to read ONLY diverse fiction. My childhood had been filled with the ‘popular books’, and…

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